I bet this blog is not visited by anyone already. So... thank god, I guess I found a spot to throw my feelings out.

Will anyone really understands how I truly felt..
How hurting it can be to be left out, thrown out there to be the last. Never had I confess my feelings to anyone. Its kept inside, deep inside until it is rotting, stinking and getting me so stuffy. I don't know.. I think if i don't write here, I'm going crazy soon. People sees me as strong, and not easily defeated. But see, I just don't know, why I don't show my weak side to anyone. However, I have to admit I am as weak as anyone out there. My heart can't hold any longer, I feel so despair. & so desperate to find someone to listen and share my pain. Who? nobody. I know. I just don't know how to show I'm sad, but only know how to smile at everyone I know. God, I wondered why I always listen to people, but nobody listens to me. Maybe its because I know how it hurts to not be listened to, or maybe because people just don't know. I hate it when people interups me when I talk, I mean, who don't! But I always suck it down my throat to avoid being angry. haa, I really can't find much words to say other than I'm really down and "depressed". I wonder why my mum give birth to me being someone who shows people that she is strong but deep down she is so weak, and that noone is there to help. I really want to.....
sigh.

Jovin needs a shoulder.

So long never post. will reply the tags soon!
need go do work le (:

//edited//
Jovin feels that. she is beginning to hate the world.

WHY I DANCE.

okay bryan wants me to blog about it.
hmm. why I dance.

I started out dance when I was sec 1. See, I knew NOTHING about dance, and am not interested in Dance. So curious why I dance?
I'm suppose to be in Volleyball. Since I started my first CCA in the volleyball team when I was in pri school, I love volleyball alot. (can jian fei ma) LOL then I wanted to you know like go to secondary school the volleyball team to win competitions cause pri school no chance. So actually, ACTUALLY im in it. but because one girl who is TALLER than me wanted to come in, they so called threw me out of volleyball. I know im short la. but I still got more experience than that girl ma.. & Dance, was the only sport/cca that accepted me. I was kind of depressed when I was transferred to MD. cause, its like I doesn't dance, I don't think I dance superbly well, or what. But I still am thankful that I have a cca.

So I started my very first dance lesson in my entire life(exaggerate abit) with Daniel from Oschool. At first, you know my impression for dance is like graceful and stuffs like that like ballet(LOL ALMOST TYPED BULLET) hahha. Then it wont suits me. But when I stepped into the dance studio, i try to prove people wrong that surely I can do well in everything if I had faith in. I enjoyed Daniel's lessons alot. his teachings and praises makes me go to dance again and again. See I started out as a noob, but I'm keen to get stronger, to get better so as not to disappoint his hopes on us. Breaking through levels by levels, I didn't give up. Well, I love dance so much so that even when I injuried my knee, I never want to miss out any dance lessons God has given me.

Okay back to topic, why I dance. I dance, because I love dance. I love dance, for it does not look down on me. For it allows me to unleash my potential and learn new things from different dancers. Dance is an activity or yes, a sport, that never fails me. For dance, I do my very best in it. I only work hard for dance, cause i live to dance.

not only that, dance is my poetry. Is what I created to be my life, my story. I give this poetry, actions and not verbal language, emotional and expressions. I give this poetry, life. Many people don't understand the reason behind why I dance. Its because that dance forms Jovin. Dance allows me to be who I am. I don't have to wear a mask behind my face everytime I dance. I am my real self when I dance. I dance, to create unreadable stories, that nobody can understand except myself, so that this will be a secret between me and dance. Dance is my buddy, my lover. someone who shares my everyday life with. Something that not everyone can replace.

I dance, not only for myself, but for people around me, who pin high hopes on me and supports me all the way when i dance. I dance for my soul, for my passion, because they says, Dance is me.

I want to be a dancer, yes and not only that, an instructor. Someone who is as great as theresa. who loves dance and wants to share her experiences with everyone else. I want the whole world to know that dance is indeed a great sport. A sport you can rely on. I want to teach youngs, and give them all my knowledges for dance, because I want Dance to live down the generations.
I also want to show the world, that Dance, is indeed powerful enough to blow your mind off.

My blog is so dead.
no mood to blog.
bye

WHY IS PEOPLE GOD DAMN NOT HELPING THEMSELVES?

when you tried to help a person solving problems, but the person never seems to help himself/herself. What can you do?
Do people ever think of themselves?
Why can people build up their dignity and pride of themselves?
How do you show care and concern to someone who can't open a door to accept it?
What to do with them when they are thinking negatively?
HOW WHY AND WHAT?!
oh god just help me.
Look, life is full of imperfection, and that's what makes it god damn perfect.
& if people can't accept those little flaws made by themselves or others, then for fuck live on Earth?
Or maybe Earth is just another word, with no meanings and importance. Because people are fucking living a fucking life without fucking thinking of what they fucking are meant to fucking be.

Is it so difficult to be yourself? How will people know about your god damn importance when you don't fucking care about yourself. What's life man. A word? fuck no. It's something that you control, you give life to it, you give freedom and speeches to it. YOU COMMAND IT. not others. Not a single soul can control your damn life. stuck with it, or change it. damn.

is it a sin to help people? is it a sin to love people? If so, then God is committing a sin isn't it?!
come on, this doesn't make sense at all. How you look at things, are what you are? i don't know..
If theres no obstacles for you to face in life, then THERES NO LIFE AT ALL. right?

"everything's gonna be alright." "don't worry" "hey cheer up"
whats all this? Its just words without meaning. when you say it, do you mean it?
So many things. Trying to solve them, but more just keep coming in. I'm trying. To keep them away for problems. God, help them. All of them, who are pessimistic.
Life has a purpose. A purpose to fulfil their job. Give them strengths.

I'm just tired. But I'm not saying these are nonsense. These are real cases. I just wanna help, and thats all.

Ultra dopeness for yesterday!
Went to school for BIG BREAKFAST in the morning. Went around the school with Regan and then stop by some classes to talk to friends and did not join my own class for games. ahahaha.
Was like talking a lot of things and whats happening and stuffs like that..
Thanks to Liana and Roz for the fooooooooooood. (:
Went around then to Huijia and shihui's there to see them play game. so funny! hahahah
Went back to class for Mother Tongue.
See we had like 4 hours of Mother Tongue each day for a total of 4 days. Can you imagine? We're like dying inside the damn classroom, trying our very best to listen to whatever teacher has to say and doing our work all the time. seriously, no time for playing in class. Can't even rest! ROAR.
Mdm Wang is being super kind by buying tibits for us to keep us awake. and Monday is our O'lvls. EXCITED and NERVOUS. cause I wonder what is gonna come out............ roar.

For Dance, its super coooooooooooooooooooooooooool. dope teachers with dope shoes and dope students. =x
hahaha did One Wish - Routine. Damn nice. <333333333333 woohooo
I like it, uh huh~ hahaahahahah.
KFC with the rest, then homed. SUPER TIRED YTD. ROAR

Yesterday was so damn fun! (:
Woke up at around 12plus. Then Jamie and Louis came to my house at around 2+, then they do the board. After which, we went to FP to meet the rest. Irene, Regan and Nazie too. Then had our lunch. Talked alot! so funny. So we prepared everything in the room. Played with balloons and wait for Birthday boy's arrival. we off the lights, then when open the door, jamie screamed. lol.
Had some dance "showcase"/ battles then ate abit. Continued other things and then the party is over.

Sulaiman! You really must thank HANA for planning this!! Everything is so precise. (: hope you had a blast yesterday night man. Like the present?? hahahahs.
you're damn lucky to have a close friend like Hana. ROCK ON!!!

Taylor swift - Crazier -

♥ thank you.

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